Another Halloween Invitation for my friend

AN OFFER YOU CAN’T REFUSE

“Hey Youse, yea, I’m talkin’ to you!  The Capo de tuttie Capi has called a meetin’ of the whole Commission to announce the new Don of the Oliverio Family. All the Families will be called upon to offer up their respects to the new Don. It’s in your best interest, if ya know what I mean, to come with a celebratory attitude, if ya know what’s good for ya. Capisce?  If ya show some balls, maybe I introduce you to Don Oliverio personally, ya know?

Hey Paisan, come closer, yea, now listen up youse, the new Don is a woman! Yea, on the level,  no foolin’. The way I hears it, the Capo do tuttie Capi had no respect for Mr. Oliverio, who’s now just a memory, 

if you know what I mean. 

Hey, Pauly, explain our situation here.”   

“Sure Vito, sure, it was nothin’ personal, strictly business. The story is Vinny the Vise  helped our friend off to see his ancestors. I strongly suggest ya forgeddaboutit. 

Yo Vito, I dunno ‘bout youse, but it’s gonna be a little awkward showin’ respect to a woman, don’t ya think?”  

“Pauly, you stupid goomba, you talk through your ass because your mouth knows better. Capo chose this Don because she has more balls than youse and all your crew put together, so unless you don’t wanna be broken, I suggest youse keep your personal thoughts, ya know, personal?  The last babbo that talked like that got whacked in his sleep.  

So, back to business, Pauly, the Consigliere wants you to explain to our associate here, the details of the meetin’, if ya can do it without runnin’ off at the mouth.”

“Ok Vito, ok already. See it’s like this, the meetin’ is at Don Oliverio’s home on Friday, Oct. 30th, at 7pm.”  “What about the address Pauly? Don’t ya think our associate needs the address? What’s a matter with you, ya moron.”   “Please accept my sincere apologies. 

The address is                     Oh yeas, and if you can’t find the house, youse are instructed to call the Capo Bastone at           for further directions.  

“Hey Vito, I done good, hey?”  

“Yea, Pauly, I got no beef with you.” 

A few more items to be discussed here, Don Oliverio’s Enforcer is missin’ and she’s offered a handsome reward for anyone who is fortunate enough to find him. 

It is also strongly suggested that you do a thorough cleaning on your way so’s not to bring any uninvited guests, if you know what I mean. The Feds would like nothin’ better than to pinch all the Families at one time, ya know? 

To offer the proper respect for Don Oliverio, youse don’t wanna be late or be a no show, do they Pauly? “  “Not unless youse wanna get iced, he he he. Oh yea, it would be in your best interest to bring your own vino, or whatever it is youse drink.             

   HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Halloween Invitation - written for a friend

Hark now ! 

methinks I do hear the hailing of the dead! The caterwauling and screeching  of the banshees foretell the coming of the feast and merriment of All Hallows Eve. 

Be ye Nobles, peasants or fools,

 ready thyselves to meet the apparitions of the departed as they reveal themselves on this magical night. 

When the veil is thin and shadowy, and the mist begins to wain, the evil and the good,

 shall become visible again. 

The Mistress of the Castle, most humbly requests your presence on this night when ghastly deeds were once the plague upon this house. 

The Feast of the Dead is said to quell the vile and the wicked, yea, the depraved and dastardly do lurk in the shadows; dismembered remains abound; 

your presence is most needed to shut the spirits out.

As night falls their flaming grins and fiery eyes stare from yonder windows,

 watching, waiting, seething with sinister plotting schemes, daring you, beseeching you,

 cross the threshold, but dare not scream. 

It is said that the mortals who enter this domain, should bring hither libations of thine own, or thy soul may find itself alone; amid dark thoughts near grey tombstones. 

Thy throat shall burn and head with fever, which would cling to thee for ever. 

The Mistress shall offer up a feast and minstrels for thy merriment. 

To ensure one’s safety, you will discover, it is best to come in cover. 

A costume and a mask will hide your identity lest the spirits know thee and await with glee, the joy of dissecting thee!

Within the Castle walls the manifestations of murderous malevolent beings bring forth the scenes of their bloody past. Ghouls they were, and ghoulish they are, muster thy courage and pray thee that thou aren’t their last!

The Feast of the Dead 

shall be celebrated on the 26th day of October, 

that be a Friday, and the scary-ment to commence at 

7:30 Post-Mortem

Through the labyrinth known as Phoenix ye shall find 

The Castle Gargoyale at 13 Headsgate Road

If ye should be found wandering aimlessly, pray thee, call the castle servants 

and ye shall be directed forthwith.  
666-426-3323




By E. Susan Thomas Barger 2009

PONDERING

Reaching back into the innermost regions of my mind...into that region that houses the memories from childhood to adulthood...I find that my life has taken various paths. That I have sacrificed my own beliefs and feelings in the best interest of others. Always for those whom I care about. Never once giving thought that I could do for myself that which I am always doing for others. Denying myself, while passing out advice, love, patience and understanding to those I love. Helping them along their journeys, while my own lies by the wayside, withering and wasting away. From lack of care, love, and understanding. In other words, from lack of nourishment. 

Still, when I have put all others aside, and begin to nourish myself, it seems not enough. I need feedback. To be nourished from those I have given such nourishment. I realize now that by denying myself, I have given the impression to those I love, that I am not in need of as much nourishment as they. Therefore the feedback is not what I expect, or what I long for. And this causes me great pain. In essence, I’ve set myself up. How true it is that we reap what we sow. 

The time is now to sow the nourishing seeds for my own growth. 

For I will disappear into nothingness if I do not.

So these paths, peculiar as they may have been, were all of my own choosing. Had my childhood been more structured, more disciplined, with some sort of consistency...thought for the future, perhaps I would have chosen different paths. Regardless of the paths chosen, because of my father’s drinking, my mother’s leaving, my sister’s betrayal, and my brother’s death...and the unfortunate and extremely insecure lifestyle my younger brother and I had to endure; I believe these events would have taken place at some later date during this particular lifetime for us all. As I honestly believe each individual has chosen her or his own journey. Long before we are here to follow it. Therefore, we are responsible for the outcome of our own lives. Pointing fingers, placing blame, has no place in my life now.

In accepting this theory as truth for me, I see that all I have learned, all I have become, was from my own choosing. I must admit that these paths I have chosen, positive and negative; right and wrong; have taught me well, and now have meaning. I know that it is MY choice if I grow, or if I stagnate.

Yet somehow, I feel I’ve missed something along the way. 

Oftentimes I feel an outcast. As if I don’t really belong. Whatever the circumstance that makes me feel this separateness, I’ve come to realize that I do belong. Perhaps it’s because I’ve learned the secret. That ‘belonging’, ‘being accepted’, and ‘fitting in’, all begins within.

I know I’m not alone or that this feeling is unique to myself. So many of us spend our entire life in this search for acceptance and purpose. Running willy-nilly, trying to piece it all together. Like one big jig-saw puzzle. Not realizing that the most vital piece of the puzzle lies within our own consciousness. That being, total acceptance of one’s own self.  And taking responsibility for that self. No matter how ugly it may appear. It really isn’t. We all criticize ourselves much too harshly. 

The solution to the puzzle, lies within our own soul. This life becomes tragic only for those who pass from this life’s journey into the next, without ever realizing that they had the answer all along. Thus making the journey longer still.                                                                     

E. Susan Thomas     1987

copyright held

Why is it?

I don’t know about  you, but I find myself asking this question often. In my heart I know the answers, yet for some reason I still ask. Perhaps it’s because I’m unhappy with the circumstances that cause me to ask the question in the first place. Or perhaps I’m feeling a tad sorry for myself and want instant gratification; a validation from someone else that will instantly agree with my indignation of what has occurred which caused me to ask, “Why is it?” in the first place!

So my “why is it” today is caused by my inability to let things roll off my back. If these emotions are caused by strangers, no big deal. I can quack with the best of them. But when a family member causes me to ask, “why is it?,  that when I am loving, compassionate, considerate, giving, and kind, they still kick me in the stomach?

This has happened frequently. My friend asks why does it take me so long to learn that certain people behave certain ways and yet, I’m always surprised when they act the way they do? I expect better, that’ why. I give second chances; I give the benefit of the doubt; at the expense of my own feelings. It is hard for me to build walls, and even when I think I have, mean spirited comments or actions seem to seep through.

We live in a world that is rapidly becoming harder and harder to survive in the day to day living. What I mean by that is that you must watch your every word, your every gesture, your every move, lest someone be offended and take legal action against you. We live with everyone wanting to be catered to, excused, not held responsible for anything they might say or do. But if someone does it or says it to them, WATCH OUT... you’ll end up in court or the nightly news. “Political Correctness” is out of control. Frivolous lawsuits are out of control. Personal responsibility is a mere memory of “the good old days”. It doesn’t exist today... at least not in the majority. I fear that our “political correctness” and false vision of “respect”  or “equality” will turn us into a society of robots. I mean, there must be a balance to it all. If we don’t feel sadness, we will not appreciate happiness; without losing you don’t appreciate winning, etc. Facts of life, sometimes you lose, sometimes you win. Sometimes you feel sad, sometimes you feel happy. It’s nature, it’s balance, it’s life! Life changes, nature changes, and eventually, no matter how “politically correct” you were, you will still die. That is a fact.

If we must be so guarded with what we say in public, what we do, how we respond, how we behave as human beings; Why is it that the people who say they love us treat us so indifferently? Why is it that our loved ones are the only ones that can cut us to the quick?

Well, that is because of our love for them. Since our ‘love’ can be so pleasurable and yet so painful, should we all stop loving since it isn't always an instantaneous and continuous wonderfully glorious feeling?       Something to ponder.....

E. Susan Thomas Barger                   May 5, 2007

SOULMATES

They met eons ago. 

As they met again, century after century, decades ago.

And came together again, years ago.

Together again, seemingly for the first time.

Unspoiled, sweet and exciting. Challenge.

Yet, once in each other’s arms, there was a sense of ‘coming home’. 

Belonging.

And the comfortableness of an old relationship.

Timeless.

Time has no relevance to them. Because their love is unconditional.

Sharing a mutual respect and admiration for each other that is rarely seen.

Therefore, it is rarely understood, by others.

They don’t care if others understand. As with time, it is unimportant. 

It does not matter.

What matters is that they love. 

And because of their love, they have faith.

Knowing they will be together for eons to come.

And their love will survive.

Their love provides them, not only faith, but inspiration, insight, and security.

Living separately, in different cities, each learning different lessons and accomplishing different goals; 

They share and combine their knowledge, which connects them and they grow together.

Although separated physically, the love they share is so pure and so strong, that they are always together.

Their souls have been united by this undying love. 

So the miles that keep their physical bodies apart is but a mere centimeter between their souls.

Which disappears when their minds link on the psychic level.

Not only do they share an infinite love, they share a deep belief in one another’s talents and strengths. 

A belief that knows no boundaries.

Knowing from deep within, in such a way, that others cannot see or feel, 

that each will succeed in whatever goal they may have set.

They have withstood the horrors and the pleasures of each lifetime they have shared. 

And no doubt, will stand strong against whatever the fates throw their way.

Together.

With belief in each other, they will endure.

As the years come, and the eons pass-

They will love.

E. Susan Thomas

1987  
copyright held

Relationship Tips

Like most people, over the years I have observed many relationships. The first we observe is that of our parents. Between themselves, with their parents, with their siblings, with their friends and with us. Our own relationships are based upon those we have observed. With any luck, we have learned better skills than most we have observed. 

Please note, these tips may apply to any kind of relationship, but when I first wrote them, I was concentrating on ‘couples’, married or not.

Here then, are my observations:

ACTIVELY LISTEN:  

Most people have problems in relationships because they are too busy talking and don’t give listening equal time. Never talk at the same time when having a discussion of any kind. Give your partner the courtesy of listening, as you would want for yourself.

PATIENCE: 

 Most arguments are caused from simple misunderstandings. Which are usually blown way out of proportion. Due to not really listening and failure to see the other person’s point of view. One does not have to agree, all the time. Just try to look at things from their point of view to get an understanding of what they are saying.

 No matter what their opinion might be, it is valid to them. Just as yours is to you. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree, or compromise. 

COMMUNICATE  /  DON’T ASSUME: 

One of the biggest problems I have seen with most people is a lack of communication. This is where most all difficulties occur in any relationship. Say what you mean and mean what you say. No hidden or subtle hints. For some reason, women tend to be guilty of this more than men. NEVER and I repeat NEVER, assume that your partner knows what you mean or  “he/she knows why I am mad”.  If you haven’t been clear about the cause, assuming they ‘know’ will only frustrate both of you.

Never, ever, assume you know what your partner feels, thinks, or means by any given statement, or action. If your feelings are hurt by a word or a gesture, SPEAK UP! 

Share this information with your partner, because believe me, they are NOT going 

to ‘magically ‘ know your feelings have been hurt. It may be that you misunderstood what they said or what they meant. Perhaps they are tired, worried about something, or just had a bad day, and the tone of voice isn’t what you expected. Speak up and ask what they meant. Assumptions only cause trouble. Unless your partner is extremely psychic, you will need to really be honest and say what you feel, think and want. How can your partner ‘understand’ you if you aren’t truthful and clear about what it is you want in the relationship? Or in daily life, and in the future?      SPELL IT OUT!  

UNDERSTANDING & FORGIVENESS:  Insecurity can ruin any relationship. 

Every one has experienced insecurity in a relationship at some time or another. 

You may have been the insecure one, or the other person was. It doesn’t matter who is feeling insecure, for what ever reason. If not addressed and discussed, insecurity will destroy your relationship. Because with it comes mistrust, paranoia, anger, and self sabotage. Even when you and your mate have been feeling very secure , something silly can happen to upset your peacefulness. We all have ‘bouts’ of insecurity once in a while. And we all have ‘triggers’ that can bring about a feeling of insecurity. If we are wise, and pay attention to ourselves, we will know what brought the feeling on in the first place.  Your insecure feeling may be justified, or it may be an habitual response carried over from a past experience. Share your insecure feelings and thoughts with your mate, friend, parent or sibling. Ask for that extra hug, or be willing to give that extra hug, and remember, your partner is not psychic! So tell them how much you love them!

LIVE IN THE NOW:  When beginning a new relationship, or if you are in the midst of one, I strongly suggest that you focus on who you are really having the relationship with. I’ve observed so many couples constantly compare or judge their new partner by the sins or saintly acts of a past partner. This is not only a huge turn off, but is just plain wrong. It’s one thing to learn from a past experience of what it is you want or don’t want in a relationship. But it is not your new partner’s responsibility to reach that lofty goal. If you chose them for who they are, accept them as they are. If your previous choice was a real shit head or psycho it does NOT mean that your new choice will react, respond or resemble that past choice. If they do, I suggest therapy. 

If you are wise, you have learned to make better choices. Remember, past experiences are JUST THAT, PAST. Gone forever and are not what the reality is now. 

LET IT GO:  You will have your ups and downs. Disagreements. Experience anger and disappointment. But  you must always be willing to discuss it. Face to face.  Confrontations are never easy or pleasant for anyone. But they are necessary if you want a peaceful household. There is no need for this to be a finger pointing , accusing attack. Just speak honestly and with tact. Try to  remember that you love this person and you want the relationship to continue. Speak from love and the confrontations will always be productive. Clear the air as soon as possible. Agree that once you have worked out your issue, each of you will LET IT GO and never, ever throw it back into your partner’s face. If the issue or problem is solved... it is solved. Done, over. 

CONSIDERATION:  You are not alone anymore. If you are living with someone, or are married, practice what your mother tried to teach you when you were a child. Pick up after yourself. Share your stuff, respect other people’s stuff. Clean up after yourself. Don’t use all the hot water. Replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty, hang up your towels, dirty clothes in the hamper, etc.  Simply put, be considerate. Take my word for it, it will reap you many rewards. In any relationship.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF:  You are not in grade school anymore so don’t waste your precious time arguing over who gets the ‘last word’. Pettiness, if given any fuel, will blow your relationship apart faster than you can imagine. I’ve seen it done. And I’ve experienced it. Everyone has at some time or another. You know that person, always has to be ‘right’  or have the last word, and will argue with you until you simply give in or walk away; vowing to avoid them at all costs!  You surely don’t want your partner to feel that way about you, do you?

Pettiness breeds discontent and resentment. Arguing over stupid, unimportant nonsense is a waste of your energy and eats at a relationship like a tape worm. 

Who cares who ate the last cookie or ice cream?  You can always buy or make more.

BE THERE:  We all like the secure feeling that our loved one has “our back”. Be sure you stand up for each other. Be there, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Defend and protect each other as this will strengthen a relationship faster than super glue. Do it even if you disagree. You can discuss the difference of opinion in private. 

Don’t disappoint or embarrass your partner in public if you can help it. 

PAY ATTENTION:  Another thing that I have observed in relationships is a lack of growth. Lack of care, lack of energy. I believe that any relationship, but especially a marriage, should be a loving one, that grows, continually. Like a flower.

In the beginning, you test the soil to see if it is acceptable for planting.  (Flirting)

Once you know the soil is ready and won’t reject the seed, you dig the hole, place the seed in gently, as the seed is fragile, then lovingly cover it up. You know if you water it and feed it, it will produce a beautiful flower for you. Caring for it daily, making sure it has everything it needs to grow strong and beautiful. The seed is trusting you to care for it properly.  (Dating, Romance)

Once the seedling has sprouted and you see it growing into a strong healthy plant, you show it off. You are proud of it. You have nurtured it, cared for it, loved it. Because of that it is strong, robust and beautiful. It  trusts you to keep it alive. 

And you know you can trust it to be exactly what you planted because of your attentiveness.  (Trust, Marriage, Commitment)

Now, just because it has grown into a young healthy, beautiful flowering plant;  in the spring, do you stop watering it?  Do you remove it from the sunshine or allow it to be uncovered in the harshness of winter?  No. If  you want the plant to give you pleasure for a lifetime, you continue to romance it. Nurture it, care for it, and give it what it needs to remain alive. So it is with relationships.

LOVE TODAY  --  FOR TOMORROW  MAY NEVER COME:  As you go about your daily life, you take things for granted. We all do it. We make plans for the day, the week, the month, and for the future. These are healthy positive things to do and I encourage them. However, don’t wait for ‘the right time to say “ I love you”, or  “I’m sorry”. Don’t hesitate. You may  not get another chance. NOW is the ‘right’ time.

Don’t stop trying to impress your partner. Don’t stop trying to surprise your partner.

Don’ stop romancing your partner. And never, ever forget why you chose this person to be in your life. Love. Love needs all these things to survive. Life has a way of throwing big boulders into our peaceful paths. Take the time to hug, to kiss, to console, to play, to be silly, to keep your promises. Take the time, you won’t regret it.

So there you  have it.  My relationship tips. My observations. All you really need to remember is to live by the Golden Rule - Do to others what  you’d want done to you. Simple really.  I hope this will help you have long, loving, and healthy relationships.

E. Susan Thomas Barger

2010

Heartless

To quote a few lines from a Three Dog Night song, I ask, “how can people be so heartless? How can people be so cruel? Easy to be hard, easy to say no. 
How can people have no feelings? How can they ignore their friends? 
Easy to be hard....easy to say no”.


For the last four and one half years I have worked for a business that I have freely given 110% of myself and my loyalty. The man that hired me was the owner, and he acknowledged my hard work, my loyalty, my trustworthiness and would show his appreciation by giving me about two raises per year, as well as $500 bonuses.  
He and I built not only a bond as employer and employee, but a friendship grew from our mutual respect for each other. He was a tough, yet gentle soul. An honest and fair boss.  Pulled no punches, give it to  you straight kind of guy.  He had a caring and tender heart, but rarely showed it.  I think it was because he must have been taken advantage of once too often, hence the hardened shell.  I could see into his heart, and it was good.  I worked hard for him out of respect of his fairness and for his honesty.  I always knew where I stood, and he knew he could count on me for the same. We truly cared about each other as human beings.  But alas, he passed away in October 2007 and his children inherited the business. This is where my story begins. 


His eldest child, a daughter, that while he was alive appeared to be nice and approachable, was just the opposite after his death. I dare not assume that I know what motivates her or anyone to become so ugly in spirit and soul.  However, I have experienced her true nature and as one would do if one were approached by a hideous creature, I raise my arms up over my face in protection. The true nature of a soul is shown when faced with the realities of life; death, illness or people in need. 


On Jan. 2, 2008, we received the call that my mother in-law suffered two mini-strokes, which caused dementia. However due to the heart attack she suffered two years prior, I believe her dementia began then.  My husband and I had to take a leave of absence from our job to go to California to see about his mother. The hospital would not release her until we arrived. Once there, we found her financial affairs a mess. All of her financial paperwork was  hidden throughout the house, with several different checkbooks in use. The state of her home as complete chaos. There was a freeloader living in a camper in her driveway, a woman that my mother in-law couldn’t remember where she met her.  The electrical on camper was plugged into the house, and apparently the woman had the run of the house. There was a couple with two children living in one of the bedrooms in the home, but they were friends we’ve known for years and they were paying rent and helping Mom out.  The house was in a reverse mortgage, making it more difficult to sell, and her bank account was in the family trust. 


We had to get power of attorney for every aspect of her life, as well as the family trust.  It seemed every office we went to was uncooperative and not very forthcoming with what we needed to do.  My husband, being an only child, had no one but me to assist him. I kept in contact with my new boss nearly every day. She seemed rather put out that we had been gone longer than a week. What she expected us to accomplish in one week is beyond my comprehension. We had more on our hands than we expected. In order to get the power of attorney accomplished, we had to have two letters of her mental status from two different doctors. Which was a task. Getting a doctor to write and sign a letter can take time, but when you need two, it was a nightmare to get it in a timely manner. 


Sorting out all the details of what needed to be done to move my mother in-law out of the state, clearing out her house that she had lived in for 40 years, placing it on the market with a realtor that worked with reverse mortgages, securing power of attorney, trusteeship of the trust with the bank, takes much longer than one week.  Then my boss called and asked me to fly home. I was also informed that my mother in-law was “not allowed” to come with me, nor would she be able to live in the house that came with our job. Swell, what are we to do then? Begin to look for a home to purchase.  We planned on taking care of Mom at home as she was not ready for a nursing home, yet she is beyond assisted living. Which means, she lives with us and although we cannot give her ‘quantity of life’, we can at the very least give her some good ‘quality of life’ for awhile.


I came home, worked for my new boss as well as I did for her Dad, and kept my tongue while she spouted off absurd reasons as to why we weren’t “allowed” to have Mom in the house.  She complained daily about my husband’s work falling behind and that he was taking too much time getting things done.  I tried to explain to her that he was overwhelmed with all that needed to be done, ie; not feeling well himself, trying to pack her 3 bedroom  home, dump runs, evicting the freeloader, getting rid of Mom’s 16 cats and trying to take care of his mother, the sale of the house, etc.  Still, she would bitch at me every day. 


Mid February my husband and his mother arrived from California. It was a three day drive for them and they arrived in the evening. My 68 yr. old mother in-law was so tired from the trip that she laid down on the sofa and fell right to sleep. I hadn’t seen my husband in a month, and his stomach was giving him more trouble than it had before. We thought he had an ulcer, what with all that was going on.  The next day,  I was ‘chewed out’ by my boss for allowing this sick old woman to sleep in the house.  Once again I ask, “How can people be so heartless?  How can people be so cruel?”
My boss chided me for not “taking her seriously”.  I calmly explained that I took her very seriously, but  my decision to let Mom sleep was based solely out of compassion, and that it had nothing whatsoever to do with her. Then she claimed that I was implying that she had no compassion, no feeling. I did not respond. The silence was deafening, and said more that any words I might have spoken. 


My husband and mother in-law are living in an RV on property owned by friends and the “compassion” that my new boss is showing is that Mom is “allowed” to be here in the house for “a couple hours for meals and a little TV”.  It breaks my heart daily that I have to tell her she cannot stay where she is warm and must go back to the RV, that is in the mountains with an abundance of snow.  She is so cold all the time.


After nearly two months of being separated from my husband and his mother, who is the one truly suffering from all this negativity and stress, we have made an offer on a home.  Secured a loan for purchase, and God willing we will be able to move into our new home, together, by the middle of March. The toll this has taken on all of us is great, but it is Mom who has suffered the most. 
And to my  new boss, my thoughts are as follows;  IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, HAS FEET LIKE A DUCK, AND QUACKS LIKE A DUCK.......IT MUST BE A FUCKING DUCK!!!


Through all of this, I have bitten my tongue until it is bloody. I have bottled up all the emotions of injustice, unfairness, and the complete horror of the situation that could have been avoided if my new boss was simply a human being. And yet she requests that I keep the job! What planet is she from? How could she really think that after all of this I could, and would work for someone who has shown no understanding,  no caring, no compassion, no sense of fairness, no heart and absolutely no soul?


Instead of allowing my own negative thoughts regarding her behavior dictate how I do my job or speak with her, I continue to do a good job and pray each night that I don’t let my thoughts of thrashing her become a reality. I believe in Karma....what you put out is what you get back. The Golden Rule; “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. There will be a day when she is old and sick and in need. And she may just end up alone... or stashed away in a nursing home before her time, simply because someone didn’t want to deal with her, or care about her. That I find very sad, very disturbing. Yet somehow, I just cannot wrap my brain or my heart around her behavior and words. I would love to say to her, “Wouldn’t your Father be  proud of your behavior toward his best and favorite employee?”
“How can people be so heartless? How can people be so cruel? 
EASY TO BE HARD”




E. Susan Thomas Barger
Saturday, March 1, 2008   


Post Script - On August 1, 2008, My husband died from gastrointestinal cancer. Moral of the story - don't assume anything. We 'assumed' his discomfort was an ulcer. My boss 'assumed' we were dishonest about my husband's health. We 'assumed' we would grow old together, hell, we 'assumed' we would be having the holidays in our new home, with his mother living with us. And never, ever, let the chance to be kind pass you by... you may not get the chance again.

As I See It

Family. That group of people will be your best support. Your biggest fans and offer unconditional love. That’s what we’d like to believe. For the few among us that this is true, you’re excused.

But for the rest of us, family can take on a whole new meaning. As the saying goes, “we don’t get to pick our family, only our friends”.

Our families. Immediate family being comprised of parents, siblings and grandparents.

Let’s begin with parents. Their function, as I see it, is to love us, nurture us, protect us, teach us, guide us and prepare us to join the rest of society, on our own.

The animal kingdom is the best example I can think of as a lesson for new parents. A Lioness, for example, protects her cubs fiercely, and teaches them how to protect themselves. She feeds them and teaches them how to hunt for food for themselves. And then she leaves them to do just that.

As does a mother bird. She allows the youngster to ‘try’ his wings. Allows him to fall on his head, and she brings him back to the nest, so that the youngster can keep trying until he eventually flies away.

The parents in the animal kingdom do not pass judgment on their young when they fail; they simply keep teaching, comforting and nurturing until the youngster learns the lesson and then they move on.

Love your children without judging them. Be consistent in your teachings without criticizing their efforts and mistakes. Then give them the freedom to fly away. Have faith that the lessons you’ve taught them will serve them well. Once they’ve flown from the nest, your responsibilities have been fulfilled. Personal survival is now their responsibility. It isn’t cold hearted and should they fail, it isn’t a reflection on you.

Siblings. They can be a great source of encouragement and companionship. They can also be a great source of aggravation. Will someone explain to me why siblings seem to think they have a ‘right’ to interfere in our lives? Or why some feel they have a ‘right’ to everything we own? Or why the older ones believe they are ‘superior and wiser’ ?

As I see it, it’s a total lack of respect, and a lot of competition. And let’s not forget jealousy. Siblings can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

How do we get around the negatives? By accepting others as they are. By accepting ourselves as we are. By letting go of expectations and simply loving each other.

Grandparents. As I see it, I was lucky to have the Grandparents that I did. They not only loved me, they always showed me a different point of view. They opened my eyes to different ways of looking at life and situations. and a different way of life. They did this by sharing with me what their lives were like as children, young adults, and mature adults. They challenged me and taught me the meaning of respecting one’s elders. They also taught me that no matter how old you become, life is just to short to be so serious. To play, regardless of your age.

Extended Family. Another group of people that come in and out of our lives.

We don’t get to pick these people either, but we do have some say in how much of ourselves and our time that we share with them.

Aunts and Uncles. Most of my Aunts and Uncles were interesting people. Some, more than others, were approachable and quite entertaining. They liked to make me laugh, to tease me, and visits were fun and enjoyable. Others were downright frightening and very stand offish. They didn’t seem to want to know me at all. The fun ones weren’t interested in being a surrogate ‘parent’, but just loads of laughs and told me stories of my parents when they were young. Stories I believe my parents didn’t want me to hear. They gave great insight as to the family dynamics in which my parents grew up. These are the ones I remember fondly and with great affection.

Cousins. Some of us are more fortunate than others and actually know our cousins. These are like your friends from birth. Spending time with cousins is just another way to integrate ourselves into accepted social behavior. We learn to share our toys when they come to visit. We learn to put away their toys before we leave a visit to their home. We learn each private home has it’s own set of rules, that may be similar to our own, or may be vastly different. We learn about each other, and sometimes form bonds with our cousins that can last a lifetime. Some cousins we like more than others. As you grow, you can drift apart, or stay in touch, sometimes sporadically. Yet you will always have a bond with them, even if it is only childhood memories that you share. And you’ll find that even in adulthood, there are still some you like more than others.

Nieces and Nephews. With a sibling’s child or children, you get to be the “fun” person, if you have any spunk in you. You get to play with them when they are little, and walk quietly away when they get cranky. (Fun)

And you get to teach them things. As they get older, you get to tell them funny stories about their parents. (Fun) And you get to form a bond that is close to parental, but you still have the freedom to walk away, without the guilt and responsibility. They can bring you joy, love and happiness, and you can give them advice, guidance that they are sure to accept, since you are not their ‘parent’, and love. Most importantly, you can be there for these children when their parent (s) cannot. And that can bring you immense joy knowing that they are not alone.

As I see it, families, immediate or extended are major players in the formation of our lives. We learn from them. Either how to love and accept one another, or how to mistreat and hurt one another. I believe that these people are important in our lives, in building a foundation from which to grow and stabilize our lives. Whether we want to admit it or not, we do rely on these people for many things. Even if we have learned to stand alone at an early age, it is because we had to learn how because of our ‘family’ dynamics.

Give your family credit where credit is due. No matter how dysfunctional you believe your family to be, you can bet that if you could see through walls, you’d find that the family down the street or around the block is not any better off, or more functional. Every family has it’s crackpots, alcoholics, law breakers, hypocrites, liars, thieves, malcontents, psychotics and tin foil hat wearers. Just as every family has some kind, loving, caring, sharing, giving, generous, wonderful members. And when you are judging them or criticizing them, remember, you are one of them! Their blood flows through your veins as well. So try to be kind when you can, walk away when you can’t. But wherever they are, whatever they are, send them love and it will surely come back to you.

E. Susan Thomas Barger